Sunday, January 13, 2008

You have 2 choices; either you do it or you don't.

Some things are hard to like simply because of the lack of the interest or ignorance, like reading the map or forcing yourself to like physics. Other things are, although hard to like, made easy such as smoking. And then there’s the thing you CAN do but don't bother to like wrapping a christmas present, for example.

As I mentioned, some things are hard to like but that doesn’t mean that it’s stopping you from getting what you want. In my case, it was physics. I hated physics to a point where I didn’t really study the subject but thankfully somehow still got the results I needed. Does that make me any better than a person who has worked their butt off for it but didn’t manage to pull it off in the end? Of course not. Personally, I didn’t feel like I deserve it any more than them. But what I know is that it makes me feel grateful for what I’ve been given and it acts as a constant reminder of how generous God is to us. And that it doesn’t happen everyday.

And then there’s the second issue of the things that are hard to like but still made easy anyway and I’ve given the example of smoking. Don’t get me wrong. I am indiscriminative towards people who smoke as I myself love the smell of tobacco (especially when it’s combined with the right perfume or aftershave…Aaaaaaaaahhh, talk about ‘smelling’ sexy). I have a bunch of friends who are regular smokers – some of which you can really tell from the beginning and others who seem to be doing it under the radar and kept you guessing for a minute. Perhaps driven by the oh-so-cliché notion of teenage angst/rebel and knowing myself, I found no other way to feed my curiosity other than to experiment with it myself only to find out my first attempt would most likely be my last one. So far, it has. For one thing, I couldn’t stand the smoke at all and my mild asthmatic problem could also explain it. And I know this sounds close to stupidity (if not the real thing), but I think I’m too vain to smoke because of the ‘general presumption’ of having yellow teeth, bad breath and uglier lip color. Hehe. And the idea of having the smoke crawl into my lungs and into my body cells is kind of creepy for me – I’ve always imagined it as some evil cartoon character that eats you alive in the end (I feel the same with excessive oil in food consumption, especially in most Malay weddings where people serve nasi MINYAK with the gravy or the chicken kurma my school used to serve. I’m telling you it’s bloody freaky). Okay, I admit I over-imagine things and take things too far sometimes. Nonetheless, I think it’s a blessing in disguise that I am what I am – it brings me out a lot of trouble. But that’s not my point, really.

The question is why do people, like you and I, still do things that contradict good conscience, or is contrary to what we believe, despite acknowledging that it’s not the right thing to do? We all do it, but in different ways. I know a few people who smoke by choice but unfortunately, I know more of those who don’t even like smoking but still do it because of external factors like trying to fit in the crowd, peer pressure or to distress themselves. And of course comes the other everyday elements that we humans have to deal with which differ according to individuals. More often than not though, we end up giving excuses and are in denial to admit what we did was wrong hence we continue doing it over and over again until it becomes a vicious cycle…and we continue to feel the guilt but still allow ourselves to live with such guilt. And so I suppose it is true when people say ‘the greatest battle is the one that lies within ourselves’ for which I believe we all strive hard to win. As much as we want to though, we still wind up making mistakes, sin, errors or whatever equivalent to that. After all, we are human beings (hormonally-driven,of

But as Pipon once mentioned; How do you effectively let go? And most of all, how do you know whether to effectively let go or to hold on?

I guess you can never tell.

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