Not liking it so far

You know when your head is cluttered up with so many things yet you just find it hard to organize your thoughts and effectively communicate it?

Writer's block.

Anyways.

I am, first and foremost, unhappy with the way I've been leading my life, academic-wise. I feel so left behind in some certain departments, especially in terms of managing my time. I've been too caught up with the Olympics and maybe cramming 3 days of uni is not such a good idea after all? Yes, I think so. And to make things worse, I've got a back-to-back mid sem tests in approximately 2 weeks and I am, a bit....clueless (especially with MFI). So yes, there will be NO Merdeka celebrations for me this time. Certainly no clubbing, parties or any of the likes. I'm going to make a point to stay in the library after uni till night and get the work done cause I know there's a huge chance I won't be able to do it at home with all the distractions and all that.

Why is it that I'm not as efficient as last semester?

I really don't know. I don't think it's the case of contentment or taking things for granted. I mean, I do almost all my tute work and all that and I try to attend all lectures but I guess I'm finding the subjects this semester really, really hard. A senior of mine did say to us (us being me and my fellow 2nd year commerce comrades) that the 2nd semester in 2nd year would be the hardest part through out our whole course so I guess reality has really started to kick in right now.

Anyways.

I've got to really start thinking hard bout my near future. Having said that, I'm gonna have to fast for these remaining days before puasa starts again and as I've mentioned, start doing the extra work.

I want to be that nerd I thought I was last semester, and so I think it's best for me to stipulate some self-interest by saying goodbye for now.

Have a nice day, people and wish me luck! : )

What is reading - but silent conversation

"Lawyers, I suppose, were children once" - Charles Lamb

"You really never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...until you climb into his skin and walk around in it."

"Before I can live with other folks, I’ve got to live with myself. The one thing that doesn’t abide by majority rule is a person’s conscience."

-Harper Lee, To Kill A Mockingbird (1960)

I'm really glad that I read the book.

My top 3 pick. Amazing people.

Gosh, I still have another 6 days to fast before Ramadhan comes again.

6 days.

Should be easy peasy.

Yeah right!

In this cold weather (it's around 5 degrees right now), all I ever want to do is eat and just hibernate in my comfy blanket with a hot chocolate or teh susu in my hand. Haha. So, fasting will be a tough thing to do, but I don't really have a choice now, do I? =/

Anyways, I spent a good deal of time on my MFI tute work and I have to say that the second part of the tute questions were tough! I mean, I'm pretty sure I could've done it IF I did attend that particular 9AM thursday leture lol. So yes Nabila, you shouldn't miss any MFI lecture that has to do with freaking liquidity premium theory and expectations theory and heavy stuffs on loans and deposits. Serves me right. Nonetheless, I'm pretty sure I can catch up especially after my tute discussion tomorrow morning. Hopefully : )

On a separate note, I'd like to profess my deep interest in the Olympics this year! Man did you see the basketball match between China & USA? I thoroughly enjoyed it! =) And of course, swimming - Libby Trickett was just awesome, along with the US relay team (Is it just me or is Michael Phelps really cocky?). I thought rowing and weightlifting (LOL) were also fun to watch. Basically, I can safely say that I'm addicted to it especially over the weekend but somehow, I've managed to cut down on the hours I spend watching it.

I'd love to write more, but I should stop. Gotta wake up for sahur tomorrow and make it to my 9 am class. Yes people, my Monday blues are actually on Tuesday =/

So far so good!

I had such as awesome time!!! Many thanks to Mieza and Sarah and of course, Johan and Shhoba (is this how you spell it lol) for spelling out the fun moments : ) I wish I could've made it to Mount Buller with you guys, but hey I ain't complaining : )

Hanging out with them made me realize how much I miss some of my friends. Friends which I've known for years - from the ones in primary school to some of my tkc friends to my kdu pals and childhood friends. Sticking with the same people here doesn't help much cause I get admittedly, tired and bored sometimes (no offense to the my friends here, I love you guys! But we're all probly sick of each other,no? Lol).

Anyways, went shopping today and here's what I spent on:

1) A brown leather wallet
2) A pair of black Dunlop Volley sneakers (like,finally!)
3) Shoes

Part of me regrets going out cause somehow, my inner shoe demons have seemed to resurface, and I have a funny feeling that they're gonna hang around for a really really long time. Currently, I'm saving up for a particular 2-tone lace-up saddle shoe pumps (though I've got a similar one but in another color). Oh,check out that dress (refer to pic) up there. I just wish I can get back into shape to be able to wear that. Wow what a scary thought now that I've mentioned =P

Read while waiting project seems like an interesting one and one that is close to the heart. Count me in!

I miss home

I've never really been homesick since I got here in the true sense of the word. Usually it's more like a mellow feeling but now it's starting to kick in really hard. I'm thankful for having Daniel around though, at least he keeps my mind off things for a bit. But sometimes I wonder if I get even more homesick when I'm surrounded by him and his family.Lol.

I promised myself that I'm gonna start studying come 2nd week of uni.Basically, what that means is that I have only 2 days left to slack off and man it's hard to go back down the uni road again! But I'M GONNA DO IT regardless!!! (just getting into the spirit..lol) I haven't been doing anything out of the ordinary.Haven't seen a handful of my friends yet plus it's friggin cold here so maybe that's also the reason why I get homesick. Not really an ideal backdrop after spending so much time in sweet KL with family and friends.Whatever it is, I'm positive that this emotional roller coaster ride will eventually go back to its normal pace, just patiently waiting in the mean time.

I'm kinda looking forward to tomorrow night's get-together at Tia's place, mostly cause it's been ages since all of us last had our poker game together and catch up on things. Plus I NEED to get Amir to fix my printer cause I can no longer afford to walk all the way to the library and pay a ridiculous amount of money just for printing.Not when I actually have a 300-something-dollar printer at home NOT IN USE. I hate not being able to print my lecture notes on time so yes Amir, I'm counting on you to end my misery pleasethankyou =)

I'm reading James Patterson's The 6th target at the moment. Nothing special, just thought I could kill time.Any recommendations,people? I'm looking for a rather humorous book, should stop reading mystery/depressing novels for now. Feel free to enlighten me on the details.

Anyway, did I mention that I was gonna look for a job? See, I have my Mondays and Fridays off so I'm thinking of working in an accounting firm doing internship on Fridays and proby do casual work every Monday. But I'm not very keen on doing waitressing again mainly because of the inflexible hours.I'd do it if I could get a job in the afternooon though,but definitely not at night.Whatever it is, I'm just gonna print out my resume and send it to 1) Borders 2) a few boutiques on Lygon St. 3) a few restaurants. Wish me luck!

It's almost midnight here,I guess I'll stop writing. I think I'm gonna vacuum my room in heels (call me shallow but i do it sometimes haha) and then continue reading my book while singing along to the songs in my itunes, and hopefully doze off =)

Have a good weekend, people!

Thanks ayie for including me in this

http://www.msls08.com/index.php

"Managing the Malaysian economy in the face of global economic uncertainties"

Something to talk about

Nabila told me that the blog needs some form of acknowledgement coming from me. Sadly its true. There's nothing much to blog about, really. Australs preparation and how tired I felt before that, Australs, Manila itself and the the very much hyped about apartment that rocks big time, ESL and not breaking in main category, catching up with classes in uni (yes, you can miss a lot in 1 week especially when you have 'highly philosophical classes!), adjusting with totally new subjects and feeling the need to read everything yet willpower is so low and hitting a makcik's car infront of CAC (makcik's car punya bumper kemek and myvi selamat with minimal scratches) and I think the cause of the accident was very much mutual, orang-orang UMNO minta DSAI voluntary give out his DNA (macam sangat bodoh when in 1998 he was charged with the same offence, takkan takde evidence time tu),  and of course, SHOPPING!!!! The mega sale is SO on..

A blog post needs to have a point and my point hereis that : I'M GRATEFUL. Really am grateful for my life and how it's turning out to be especially the juggle between others and studies. I'm grateful that I have a good support system and eventhough the BF department is still very much vacant, I think it's better to have one because He's the one rather than you have one because you really want one. No need to rush in things ryte? (I can sense myra is reading this part with a cynical look on her face and nabila is beaming with pride :) )

I ACTUALLY finished a book last week because I had trouble sleeping at night. The Kite Runner is a must have.

Lastly, you only have 1 week left in Malaysia and I really hope that I'm able to meet you at least twice this week. Can't believe how time flies..

First ever for the 'career'

IIU 2

Dear Mr Prime Minister,

While the oil prices have sky-rocketed, the government is against the subsidy policy. Instead, they decide to increase oil prices and according to them, one of the aims is to reduce inflationary pressure. Yes,8% is a pretty hefty figure, after all. In the simplest economic theory, a rise in price (or alternatively, an increase in taxes but this is not the case) would reduce aggregate demand and as a result, would reduce inflation, in general. But what the government fail to realize is the fact that this inflation is not just a general increase in the prices of ONE good (which they seem to be focusing on oil), but it is the overall effect of an increase in the prices of goods/services and I guess we could also relate it to the spillover effect. What that means is simply the effect of the oil prices on other goods/services. For example, an increase in oil prices would mean that most airlines would increase their ticket price as well (evidently) and since their cost of servicing has also increased, thus customers are worse-off. And while some may argue that the public can switch to other alternative transportations, we must first look at the situation from a social standpoint: How effective and accommodating is our public transportations in Malaysia? Will the sudden increase in the demands of public transportation be met in the short-term now that the oil price is high at CURRENT time? They even have the fucking blue bas kilang which I thought was long gone for God's sake! And some of the KTM conditions are clear-cut examples of a third-world infrastructure. So,again, the public are the ones that are worse-off. So yes, the government CAN improve by spending on infrastructure development, which adds up to hundreds of millions (if not billions) more in the budget. I agree that whether or not because of the oil crisis, money is still needed in that sector anyway plus it is for long-term effect. I'm cool with that BUT what I'm not cool about is the fact that the government (ahem) policies do not counter the very core issue - that is, to ease the burden of its citizens. Although macro economic policies like increasing price to reduce inflation may seem like an effective short-term tool,the time taken for it to take effect is most likely to be longer than the rate at which the oil price fluctuates, or in most recent cases, increases. Thus, as Malaysian citizens who are made up of different classes which consist mostly of lower and middle class, subsidies can be a DIRECT form of relief in which the effects are certain in the sense that people actually pay less as opposed to waiting for the market to adjust itself. The danger of the market mechanism is that the equilibrium price may still be considered high even after market adjustments, and so subsidies may counter that problem and secondly, the time taken for the market to adjust is so subjective that people have no guess on how the market price will react after this .Hence, people want certainty - that's just human nature. For example, if you were a customer in a Nasi Lemak restaurant and the price of anchovies, for example, is so high (let's assume due to the water pollution hence less supply) and so many people have lodged complaints of the high price of the nasi lemak. As a customer, would you prefer if the authorities demand the restaurant owner to reduce its price or would you prefer to get money to compensate for the higher price? Personally, I would prefer the latter because getting the money ensures that you WILL have the means to pay for the yummy nasi lemak (though it also depends on how much is given) but waiting for the restaurant owner to adjust its new price would mean that you're not sure when is it going to be effective and how much will the new price be, IF agreed between the owner and authorities. It's kind of like that, I guess. People want some insurance or a guarantee, and subsidies fit the role. It's a matter of mentality, perceptions and considerations.

Maybe some people undermine the effect of subsidies because they don't think the oil price effects are THAT bad, at least not to them. Well, maybe it's because they don't fill in their own tanks, or maybe they just have too much money that they feel indifferent. Unfortunately, not all Malaysians I know are as privileged as you, Mr. Prime Minister.

Higher petrol prices means bigger bucks for the "country", so you say?

I've finally met my perfect match.

I guess it's true what they say: good things DO come to those who wait.

Yes,people. I finally got the perfect white lace top that I've always wanted and I couldn't be happier : )

More of happy days ahead, I hope : )

My mouth is currently dysfunctional hence the writing

I am a bit pissed. My maid burnt a gorgeous new top I just bought the day before. Urghhh. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise that I'm still recovering from the aftermath of the operation hence the silence response. If only she knew the words that were echoing in my mind at that time...I bet she must be pleased that I'm as helpless as I am right now, LOL.

Anyway, John's flight back to Melbourne is tonight, in fact any moment now. And as much as I don't want to return to Melbourne just yet, I suddenly miss my Daniel a lot =( And the fact that I still can't carry out a decent conversation properly due to my sore throat just makes it worse cause that simply means I can't talk to him over the phone yet plus I'm not a big fan of text messages.

I am currently just lazing around the house and getting as much rest as I could possibly get in hopes of recovering a.s.a.p so that I can enjoy life more the way I've been doing so for these past couple of weeks =) I haven't met up with the people I intend to meet up before I leave for Melbourne again and yes, that includes you pipon! But as always, it's quality over quantity right haha. Then again,it doesn't hurt to have both =) On a separate note, I'd LOVE to see my KDU pals especially Liyana and Xing Yi! God I miss them truck loads =( And I promise to myself that I will make a point to see you, Shima (don't think you're reading this, but anyway). And I'd love to catch up with my childhood friend who's in the States but now back in KL, Aza and some TKC friends especially Anat, Mizah and some others. These are the names of people I must see so hopefully, our paths will cross soon.

Ooooh did I mention that my exam results were out already? I must say I'm pretty happy with it, except for maybe OB =P I've put in a bit more effort this semester in the sense that I've started going for lectures,tutes and all that and I'm surprised with the outcome =) To sum it all up, I think I had a good dose of fun and a healthy dose of nerd-ish time so looks like life's pretty good and I'm liking it so far.

Anyway, I've got to run a few errands this week - appointment with the specialist, give my dad the book list, buy my usual eyeliner, find the friggin blusher (MAC/Bobbi Brown?), alter my pants, start brisk-walking with my mom again, bla bla. But what I'm really looking forward to is to shop and to get that white-lace top I just saw and probably get the same top that my maid just burnt,the shoes I've been eyeing over the weekend and a gorgeous long emerald green Greecian dress (I hope they still have it!) *fingers crossed*

Anyway, I'm thinking of enrolling in French or media journalism this coming semester but apparently, Melbourne Uni offers it only on first semesters. Grrrrrrreat. Just when I had the leverage to choose an elective subject, I'm now stuck with shitty options. By the look of things, I'm probably gonna wind up choosing a finance subject. I long for the days where students are not subjected to admin confinement.

Wow, I've written bits and pieces here and there huh. I guess this sorta thing happens when you can't use your mouth to effectively communicate your thoughts/feelings. I'll try to be more issue-specific the next time =)

Confessions of a bored citizen

I'm so sick and overtly disgusted with all the political filth that's going on here. And I'm not even here half the time all that shit's happening. Yeah sure, conspiracy and some dirt may be exciting for some certain people, but haven't they had enough?

I'm not supporting anyone in this case but you don't have to be a goddamn genius to tell that in the most obvious manner, the cards are not being dealt right. And the funniest thing is that how some of the lies spat out were downright stupid and degrading and what seems to me to be lacking of some intuitive professional judgements- an insult to the public's intellectual capacity! I know there are people like me who just can't be bothered to read or watch the news about the political tales that our so-called democratic country is currently facing . And I know there are people out there who are willing to go that extra mile to find the truth. And I hope they do but until that day, I'm happy to invest my time and brain cells on something other than what's reported in the papers right now.

The first 7 days

I'm actually blogging from the wireless which I never knew existed in my house. Must be the extended connection or something.

Anyway,this whole week has been so AWESOME for me! These past few days have been absolutely full and I like it that way. Had family gatherings 3 nights straight and my whole family (I think it was around the 20 of us) had Japanese food at Midori, JW Marriott for lunch today.Can't wait for next week though,my dad said he's taking us for Chinese in Lake Club. God I miss that place! Speaking of which I also miss my cousin Jasmin. And now that my favorite cousin's finally coming back from UK, I friggin can't believe that her flight to KL's on the SAME day I'm heading back to Melbourne! Whaaaaaattttttttttttttttttttttt!?? That's the only blunder so far =(

Believe it or not, I haven't got a clue on what's going on around me in terms of the local news or events or even the movies on screen here in KL. Being a hopeless citizen doesn't help especially when I don't have my sister (who's usually the one who updates me on almost everything) with me right now. Thank God I've got my mom to do that. And thank God mom loves shopping too. Quite frankly, I prefer spending the day shopping with my mom (if not myself) than with other people.I guess I've always been that kind of person. I have fun choosing clothes for her, heading to the make-up shop and choosing the right lipstick color or picking out shoes and bags with her. We're both so into it so it's so much fun that I don't mind doing it everyday (And it helps when she's the one with the credit card) ;)

Apart from my life here, nothing new is going on except for maybe my operation this coming weekend. My appointment with the specialist is on friday and there's a hefty 99.99% chance that I'll have my tonsils removed come that weekend. And YES, I am freaking out but I try not to think about it and leave the worrying part on that day itself. =/ Hopefully everything goes well insyaAllah. Anyways,I wonder if they can preserve my tonsils? Perhaps put it in a jar or something.Haha, NOT the right question to be asking ey =P

Hurmm I wonder how my friends are doing back in Melbourne? I'm missing my usual gang but then again, most of them are coming back anyway so I'll just meet up with them here. I'll probly just give Liyana and Badd a call since they won't be coming back this time. Apart from that, I'm also missing Mr. Spaghetti Boy, as my uncle would call em =P It's good that I'm back, at least they get to take some time off from me hehe. I admit, I can be a pain in the arse sometimes =P

Okay, I better stop writing now because in an hour,I'll be busy cheering for my baby Casillas to make a save though I don't even support Spain ;) I'm rooting for Germany to win but at the same time, I hate Lehman so I really don't give a crack whoever the winner is. May the best team win (then again we all know it's partly about luck).

It's good to be back!

Thank God for Malaysian food,Astro and my house!

1) The amount of food I've been stuffing up since I got back is alarmingly scary.
2) I think it will be Germany and Russia(not that I care if it were Russia/Spain) in the finals.I would've loved to see Netherlands play against the Germans though.
3) If there's one thing I've learnt from the EUFA cup,it's that European guys are painfully painfully gorgeous!I've got a crush on this one particular Croatian player (his name is yet to be known but hey,I'll google him or something)
4) Cik Afifah has a debate tourney next week so good luck,pips! :) Debate has (yet again) interfered with our plans.Haihhh.
5) I plan to do absofuckinglutely nothing this holiday.Aaaaaahh...the luxury of free time.
6) I'm gonna spend a lot of my time catching up on sleep and money on books and movie tickets. I have been deprived of good entertainment due to the inevitable course of nature (exams).
7) I'm craving for ramly burger,putu mayam,nasi kerabu,cendol and roti canai with kari kepala ikan.oooooh,and pakeeza's naan and cheese spinach and also kopitiam.
8) I surprisingly don't miss Melbourne too much which was what I was hoping for so it's all good. I miss the weather though!

A cold but sunny day.

I think my Macbook needs a major make-over seeing how bad it is at the moment.

Anyway,ONE more paper to go and then i'm DONE for this semester, hopefully.

Just finished my IFA paper (and that's International Financial Accounting for those of you wondering) and boy was consolidation on minority interest darn hard! :( Other than that, I thought business finance and OB were both very do-able so hopefully, it's all good *fingers crossed*

On a lighter note, I'll be going back to good old KL this sunday! :) It's always good to be home. I'm just stoked to be back, I miss my family way too much and I just can't wait to bum around the house doing absolutely nothing and of course, get all the sleep I want. And probably start driving...lol.

And can someone please remind me to buy as many pirated dvds as I can? (Yes I know, I'm one of those people..lol) I've been deprived of good entertainment, I'm even embarrassed to say that I haven't watched iron man.Hah! Anyways, has anyone watched "Across the universe"? I wanna watch that, wonder if it's out in KL?

Anyway, there's a major stock clearance here and I can't wait to hit the stores right after my last paper this thursday. I'm in a generous mood of buying some gifts for some people lol :)

Ok,people. Will write more later when I have the time. Have a good day!

I love my baby

I am the proud owner of this wonderful Macbook for 6 months (thanks to SC of course), and sad to say that it had only been recent am I able to utilize the functions of this wonderful and extraordinary machine. Thanks to the very simple tutorials and guided tour,  Mac OS X Leopard can now go on full blast! When I first started using it, I only relied on words of wisdom from Nabila and Mika to get me through. Thanks guys. Contrary to popular beliefs, Mac is not complicated, it's just complicated because it's not Windows.

I'm loving the widget and dashboards - it keeps me updated, Spaces - it keeps me organized in doing my work, Adium - where my Gtalk, MSN and Yahoo messengers are under one roof, Time Machine - no worries of backup files (tho I haven't got a backup drive yet due to the tight financial constraint) and yesterday, I stopped using Mozilla Firefox and am in the process of permanently converting to Safari - the speed is a 'bit' faster. I'm planning to explore more of the applications through the tutorials online, once Australs in Ateneo, Manila is over...

Now, all I need now is my own personal digital camera to make my day :) . Peer pressure has gotten into me since everyone around is carrying a shiny new digital camera.

[Last line needs to be considered again and again due to financial constraints and the sudden increase in petrol that will DEFINITELY affect the lives and pockets of yours truly]

Ezanee, I'm back!!

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master,
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

I love this poem and never failed to be awed by the simplicity, honesty and greatness of it. Sometimes, we just need to be reminded of some hint of greatness and inspiration especially at times where time passes on so quickly that it's really hard to keep track on what's going in your life.

Here's a celebration to new and old friendships ; there's a lot of If's in life, and friendship is one of the few things that's very much certain. For friendship is the one that has been carrying me around these past few months...

I love Ronald

That's it,people.

I'm officially addicted to McD, more than I've ever been in my entire life! I mean, it's incredibly majestic how I've yet to discover any shop that makes better fries than theirs. I've been splurging a hell lot on food lately, and half of it goes into the funds of these franchises, lol.

I'm def having another triple cheeseburger, large fries and their barbeque sauce this weekend (but seriously,0.50 AUD cents for a small packet of bbq sauce? geeeez.)

Anyway, my finals are in more or less 3 weeks so I thought I'd be using my lock-yourself-up-in-your-room-and-study,study,study plan, but I'm glad I've settled on a rather more enlightening (and voluntary) approach instead: spend a good couple of hours in the library. I'm happy with the latter, and if I keep it up, I hope things will turn out for the better.

Gosh I think I've been listening to too much of feist's "one evening" & clap your hands and say yeah!'s "in this home on ice", haha totally opposite songs! but really, i need a change of tunes,speaking of which I also can't wait for a change of scenery. Yes people, I shall be going back to KL (yet again) on the 24th june, insyaAllah. Flying back with daddy dearest since he'll be visiting me here some time during my exam and we'll be going back together after that. Can't wait to see my dad =)

Back to the topic of change, I REALLY can't wait to go back this time. I haven't planned anything and I don't plan to because all I really want is to just spend time with my whole family especially my dear sister,my brother and my lovely parents, and of course, the family gatherings and all that. Gosh I'm suddenly missing everyone back home! My grandma(s), my cousins, aunts & uncles. Basically,EVERYONE! Love them. *OK,now i want to grab the first flight home* =( Oh wait, I almost totally forgot about my operation haha. Now THAT'S something I'm NOT looking forward to.

Anyway, it's been so long since I've touched a book other than Deegan's International Financial Accounting or Peirson's Business Finance =P Recommendations, anyone? I'm ready to invest in books again.

Funny how I'm just staring blankly at the empty fillet-o-fish box while typing and hoping that someone would give me seconds or thirds,LOL. I really have to start jogging but heck, it's almost friggin winter here so there goes my plan. Then again, a few friends invited me over to play futsal at Albert park this friday, Can't promise but will def consider.At least I get to shed some kilos off should I decide to go.

Okey dokey, that's it from me.

Later.

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned

I can think of 100 reasons why I'm such a bad person.

Everyday, I have to live with that guilt.

It breaks my heart to think that I'm not being honest at all. And to think that honesty should come first, I feel worse. I feel like I'm digging my own grave and that all it takes is a little shove for me to fall in that hellhole I've created.

Why can't I reciprocate the same way? I'm just too selfish, and I think only for no one but myself. I don't mean to play around with his feelings, but that's how things are at the moment. I have a tendency to think that the ball is always at my court even though I know it isn't. And even if it is, it won't take long before the ball shifts to the opposite end.

On one hand, you try to do the right thing by ending it cause you know you're gonna save the frustration of prolonging the problem. On the other hand, you tell yourself the timing isn't right, but who am I kidding?

The timing is almost never wrong but I never seem to make it right.

I end up hurting not just him, but myself and also others too,and the problem seems to get bigger and bigger by the day. It's so much complicated, and harder than I think it is.

Some people say love is knowing when to let go,so I guess I don't love you enough to let you go. And the worst part is, I wish it stays this way forever. . .